LOW AND OUTSIDE EPISODE 006 THE HALL OF MEDIOCRE (but at least we didn’t do steroids)

So, tell me…did you watch the whole five hours of the MLB Hall Of Fame ceremonies last weekend? Of course you didn’t, you have a life. Can you imagine sitting there for five hours listening to these former ballplayers yammering on and on and on about their long past glory days? Hell, if you get lucky, one or two might start sobbing or something. God, who the hell has time for more than like 90 seconds of this drivel? Just give me the gist on Sportscenter or whatever and let’s get on with it.

You know why nobody cares? Let Uncle Bobby explain it all.

First of all, when you peel back the many onion like layers of hypocrisy and presumptuous-ness (is that even a word?). When you get to the root, for all the pomp and circumstance, it’s just a baseball museum in the middle of god-forsaken New York state. You wanna now how it works? I’ve never been to the Baseball Hall Of Fame but I grew up in Boston and I’ve been to a bleepton of museums. Here’s how it goes…You go to the ticket booth and immediately get robbed. (Museum ticket prices are $23 for adults (13 and over), $15 for seniors (65 and over) and $12 for juniors (ages 7-12) and yes, I looked it up.) You go inside and stare at a bunch of old and interesting stuff (Hey look, Ma…Joe DiMaggio’s cleats!!) Maybe you take a picture of yourself with Babe Ruth’s old uniform or whatever. This goes on for a coupe hours with some minimum wage tour guide telling what you’re looking at in case you can’t read the plaques…Oh wait, that’s right. They put the minimum wage guides out of work and now they give you some stupid stick that plays the voice of some woman telling you what you’re looking at. I forgot…So, after a couple hours you try to leave and surprisingly, the only exits all lead you directly into the gift shop! What a coincidence!! With any luck you can get out of there dropping less than a C-Note on overpriced shirts and other crap you don’t need. $20 for a bottle of dirt from Tiger Stadium and it’s a full and complete day. Trust me, you seen one museum, you seen ’em all.

And when it’s said and done, it’s just another museum.

See, in my never to be humble opinion, I think all halls of fame (hall of fames??) are just complete bull bleep anyways. Except, of course, for the Nevada Broadcasters Hall Of Fame, which is a fine organization that does many fine charitable deeds and deserves all of your love and support. All the rest of them are bull bleep.

Take the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland for example. This thing has been in business for like 25 years so far and every year it’s the same thing. The “rock critics” get together and they nominate like 15 bands/artists and they vote on who should be allowed in. Then they announce their nominees, with very little input from the general public, and then the great Debate begins over who got left out and who got put in. This year, the critics came up with such rock and roll mainstays such as Janet Jackson and Roxy Music. Both fine artists in their own right but rock and roll? Not exactly. But that’s the thing, the CRITICS decide who goes in or not. And let’s be honest…what the bleep do critics know about music anyways? They allowed in Madonna and Run-DMC. Again, both fine artists but even they were confused as to why they were nominated. Yet, they keep out most heavy metal artists like Motorhead and Slayer and..Iron Maiden.

Maiden is actually a great example of the hypocrisy surrounding this museum. Quick music lesson, Iron Maiden is a band from England who have existed since 1980 and they have so far sold over 100 MILLION albums worldwide. Their concerts sell out worldwide, over 50 to 60 thousand fans a show, all over the world. (PS: Playing at MGM Grand Arena September 13th, some tickets still available) And yet, the Hall of Fame gives them absolute ZERO recognition because critics don’t like heavy metal music. They like bands like Radiohead (nominated this year) and Def Leppard (also nominated this year). 100 million albums sold and yet, they get ignored. It’s kinda like that with the Baseball Hall of Fame too, isn’t it?

A bunch of WAY past over the hill writers get together and vote on who goes in and who doesn’t with very little public input. Then they put out the nominees and everybody debates for a day or two who got snubbed etc etc. Finally, they have the ceremony and it’s a snoozefest. But nobody cares and the system keeps moving. Remember a couple years ago when they didn’t even have a nominee? It was great fodder for sports talk for a day or two and then NOBODY CARED.

See, the bottom line is that, at least for baseball, they’re so terrified of any controversy whatsoever that they nominate these bland, vanilla players that nobody really cares about. (except their home teams of course) Look at this year’s winners. Mariano Rivera, okay..best closer in the game. He does deserve to get in. (which leads to the debate of whether or not closers deserve to get in but that’s another blog thing) But look at the rest…Roy Halladay, decent pitcher, but he got in because he died in a plane crash. If he had not, his nomination would be debatable at best. Edgar Martinez??…meh….Mike Mussina??…really?….Lee Smith??…are you kidding??….Harold Baines??…22 years as an MLB player, lifetime average .289, 384 HR’s, 6 time all star, ZERO rings. The closest he got was 1990 with Oakland. THAT’S a Hall Of Famer nowadays?? Seriously??

Look, let’s quit bleeping around and address the elephant in the room. The reason they put in these mediocre players is because they CAN’T put in the legends of the era because they’re afraid some of them may or may not have used steroids to beef up their stats. PERIOD!! And since the Hall is terrified of even the slightest hint of controversy, they leave out the all time hit king, the all time leader in home runs, and several others. This approach is turning the hall of fame into the hall of mediocre.The so called baseball writers gotta get over their own puny egos and stop treating this place like it’s bleeping STONEHENGE or the bleeping Vatican. It”s a museum, you’re in business to make money. Stop treating it like it’s bleeping hallowed ground and let in EVERYBODY who deserves to be there, bad guy or not.

Hell, I don’t see any petitions to remove Ty Cobb yet? His racism was infamous, where’s the call to take him out? Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle were both notorious drunkards and womanizers. In the era of the #MeToo movement, how can they be allowed to remain in? You see where I’m going? The hypocrisy becomes ridiculous and now it’s reduced the Hall to a sham of itself. Let in Pete Rose, tomorrow!!…Let in Clemens and Bonds and McGwire and Sosa. These guy virtually saved baseball after the strike in 1994 (remember??) and now you shun them. Blatant Hypocrisy in my book!!

And one last thing, this isn’t the Hall Of Angelic Behavior is it?? No, it’s the Hall Of FAME!!…Believe me folks, I guarantee more people around the world know who Pete Rose and Roger Clemens are than Lee Smith and Harold Baines?? AMIRIGHT?? I’m telling you, it’s all bull bleep and it’s bad for you. See you next time.

Author: bobby

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